Don’t mistake fame or your beauty for mine.
Come back, if only for the goat cheese balls.
Whatever else, the sex was adequate.
Cover-up applies better clean-shaven.
Few become their own crop-topped bridal stylists.
Who should be smart enough to know better.
Leave him to his posh busboy puppy love.
Nobody’s fool would motorboat a d.
Betrayal wants another bff.
Translated, the maid’s name means something pink.
The Other Tom, Tom Schwartz
Marriage gives most guys the jitters, bubba.
Check your text messages, smirk and look up.
The world will always validate your needs.
Peter, Vail, Kristina, Rachel, Shay,etc.
Second-string friends, bit players, fiancés,
third-rate fifth business, wannabes, the rest.
Line Cooks at SUR
(High five: some heinous puta just got fired!)
No proper girl wants a ring on a string.
Your best and only boyfriend is the truth.
Chorus, led by Tom Sandoval
Shut up, Kristen, shut up, shut up, shut up.
Who makes the rules should never sign the cheques.