Lisa
Don’t mistake fame or your beauty for mine.
Stassi
Come back, if only for the goat cheese balls.
Jax
Whatever else, the sex was adequate.
Tom Sandoval
Cover-up applies better clean-shaven.
Sheanna
Few become their own crop-topped bridal stylists.
Ariana
Who should be smart enough to know better.
James
Leave him to his posh busboy puppy love.
Katie
Nobody’s fool would motorboat a d.
Stassi
Betrayal wants another bff.
Lisa
Translated, the maid’s name means something pink.
The Other Tom, Tom Schwartz
Marriage gives most guys the jitters, bubba.
Ariana
Check your text messages, smirk and look up.
Jax’s “Therapist”
The world will always validate your needs.
Peter, Vail, Kristina, Rachel, Shay,etc.
Second-string friends, bit players, fiancés,
third-rate fifth business, wannabes, the rest.
Line Cooks at SUR
(High five: some heinous puta just got fired!)
Katie
No proper girl wants a ring on a string.
Kristen
Your best and only boyfriend is the truth.
Chorus, led by Tom Sandoval
Shut up, Kristen, shut up, shut up, shut up.
Lisa
Who makes the rules should never sign the cheques.
Flow, Fissure, Mesh 